I called a friend last week to give him the business about Tiger Woods.

Both men attended Stanford University: My friend earned an MBA there. Tiger, he pointed out, did not graduate.

I said, you’d think a school as prestigious as Stanford could produce a
better liar than Mr. Woods. (No one but the most gullible believes that
Tiger has told the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth
concerning what happened in his driveway the night after Thanksgiving.)

But you won’t find me among the crowd calling for him to come clean.

fact, my advice to Tiger is this: Keep your mouth shut. And whatever
you do, make no additional statements to law enforcement officials.

of all, it’s nobody’s business but theirs if his wife decided to take a
nine iron to the back of his SUV as he sped down the driveway at 2:30
in the morning (the most likely scenario). I know reasonable men and
women can differ on this point, especially as it hints of domestic
violence. Jimi Izrael of TheRoot.com offers a totally different

But my big reason for advising Tiger to keep quiet
has more to do with what he – or his wife — may have already told

Having a fender-bender, when last I checked, was
not a crime. At worst, police issue you a ticket for wreckless driving
and you walk away. End of story. Unless your name is Tiger Woods.

Lying to investigators, however, is still very much against the law.

on what Tiger or his wife already said, one or both might face criminal
charges if investigators conclude that their initial statements, shall
we say, shaded the truth. (It’s often the lie that gets us indicted,
not the initial deed. Think Barry Bonds.)

Writing this column
puts me in an awkward position: I support law enforcement and believe
strongly that each of us has a moral and civic duty to help police
solve crimes. I have little patience with those in our community who
seem to love criminals more than cops. And I certainly don’t advocate
aggression to solve marital woes.

But under our Constitution,
even the founding fathers had the wisdom to know that government should
not compel us toward self-incrimination.

So, Tiger, keep your mouth shut. And next time you tick off your wife, lock your clubs away first, or learn to drive faster.

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