Dear T. Strong,
Me and my once-girlfriend had been close since the 7th grade. We went to the same middle school, where we became best friends, and in high school we both befriended a boy who was like a “brother” to both of us. Now, me and the girlfriend have had our share of issues throughout the years. There were times that we didn’t speak for a few months, for a few years even, but we always got back together as friends.
Fast forward to about 7 years ago.
My girlfriend suddenly became distant, not having too much to say on the car rides, not wanting to take breaks together at work, not wanting to talk on email. I was going through my own personal issues at the time, so I chalked it up to just feeling the effects of getting older and thinking about life. One day, I go home from work and my husband tells me that my friend was there at my house to see him. She told him that me and our other friend (the “brother”) were sleeping together and she just wanted him to know. She also went to his house and told his girlfriend the same thing. We were both devastated! This was untrue and neither one of us knew where this had come from.
My problem is I have been missing my MALE friend so badly! Even though my husband said he believes me when I said nothing happened, he also talked to him personally and he said the same thing, but I could no longer see him as a friend. I feel like a part of me is missing. He was my friend for 15 years! I want to be able to have a relationship with him again, and I see him at events from time to time. We speak but I can tell he also wants the relationship back also.
Do you think enough time has passed where I can say to my husband, I want him as a friend again?
Signed Miss Confused
*****
Well, Miss Confused,
Let me start by telling you that if your husband wasn’t comfortable with you having a friendly relationship with this guy seven years ago, its quite likely that nothing has changed. My best advice would be to leave it alone girl. It is what it is!
I doubt that rekindling a relationship with your male friend is more important that the one you cherish with your husband. I actually wouldn’t even broach the subject with your husband because it may just dredge up old feelings and force him to wonder why you are still “missing” the other guy after all these years.
Of course, you know him better than I do, so just think really hard about it before you make your final decision. Also, ask yourself how you might feel if the tables were turned.
Email T. Strong at relationships@qcitymetro.com.
